my dad wants to kill himself after i move out to college. im sure i have said this many times before but it never felt real. but tonight was real and i am more concerned for my financial situation and what's going to happen to my mom when he does die. what will happen to his debt...will they make my mom pay for it? do debts die when the person die? i doubt that...but i hope it does. he has hidden secrets that i am terrified of finding out. and will i have to move back home when he off himself? who will take care of my mom if i don't? does this mean that i have to drop out of college to move back home? i can't transfer mid year, i won't have enough credits. not once did i think about him while he was screaming on top of his lungs, telling me that he wants to die. the only thing i was thinking of was, "how dare he. how dare he blame THIS on my mother, putting ALL guilt on HER so that when he dies, she would feel responsible. HE is the problem. not her..not her.." how can you expect me to have sympathy for a father like this. it's just selfish and i have had enough of him. if he wants to ruin the rest of my life then go ahead. the only thing that's scaring me more than his threats is my gut telling me that he's going to seriously kill himself and fail. which will leave him in a traumatizing state  for me to take care of. not only is that costly but its also going to ruin my future. happy father's day!

i've had a roller coaster week with many highs and a really low night. im gonna bid DA adieu